Why me ?
I kept asking myself why it always had to be me. At times I blame life for not being fair enough for me . I have never understood the mystery of it all . One thing is that I may never forget the ordeal since it has happened to me not once , not twice but four times and this time , I sought to set things right , I had to speak my heart out or else I would be burning with anger .
I met this fine girl in church , one great place to meet a soulmate. She was cool and composed . I always wanted to say hi to her and be his friend .That was all I wanted from her . As a man,I had sampled her beauty and behavior ,well for that moment for I had never talked to her I had no hint of her intellectual ability, but who cares ? She had my eyes and I was waiting for the perfect time to make a move and introduce myself.
one fine sunday , I was lucky to have sat just behind her. Well , I must have been lucky and I was sure that she would notice me.
”Turn to your neighbor and give him/ her a smile ,” the priest ,before the summon said .
”Jesus, was that you ?” In my heart I whispered.
She turned and gave me a smile ,oh my ! She created a spark , a great feeling , a soothing sensation ,the list is endless ! For a second, I feel warm in my heart and a great feeling within me and I kept asking ,was that Jesus ?
That was the beginning of everything .
I never chased after her so much, she , after hanging out together for quite some time , she built trust in me and she would visit me in my room .our rooms were four sharing and when you bring in a ‘mrembo’ you had to inform the rest to atleast take a walk for some time and come back later ,no matter what the two of you would be doing during that ‘exile ‘ moment ,even if it meant reading the Bible .
Today ,she visited me . It was the fourth time she visited me . The other three times she visited me and after watching a movie ,some feelings had filled to the brim and as a boy child, I had to pull my moves and bring everything in order .
All along , I knew she had in store some feelings for me, she never resisted when I touched her . She embraced me tightly and we were lost in the blues . She was the sweetest lady I had ever met .
“No, we can’t do this !”
She stopped me when I pulled out the fierce being .
“No, I can’t do this ” she insisted .
“Why?” I asked
“We just cannot !”
“Come on, why ? Don’t you have feelings for me ?
” Not enough for this ,”
“Why then do this to me ?”
For the fourth time , she broke my heart and for a man , broke my spirit . It still pains ,it does ,but who am I ? Am a boy child , we have gone through alot of things .
I gathered courage and spoke to her like her big brother.
” Look , I understand that you don’t have feelings for me , why didn’t you stop me ? Next time you should be bold enough to say No and not accept to…”
“But..” she interrupted
“But what then ? ” I did not let her defend herself.
She took her phone, before I realized, she took to the door and without a word , she left . I was glad I had set things straight ,but on the other hand I felt I had lost her . I may never see her again .