Forgive me father, but am I worthy to be forgiven? 

“Forgive me father for I have sinned , I have not repented for the past one year , my heart is heavy since that time ,these are the things I have done since then …”

This time I had to go for confession , it has taken me so long to take courage and go to confess my sins and seek for forgiveness and strength from God through the priest; as is the Catholic tradition .

Why that day? I bet it was the fact that a new priest has been posted to our parish to conduct confessions that day ,or maybe I needed to get the burden off my shoulder, a burden I had been Carrying for such a long time . I bet it was the reason I had missed alot in life while burdening myself with some things that needed to be off shouldered.

I am a person who smiles every time ,always jovial and active ,easy going and many people think that I never have stress or anything related . Truth be told ,I hide alot of things in my heart .for the sake of relating with people , I have to be what they always know me of . Whenever am alone , I am a sad person since that time I get to reflect upon myseries , which no one ever knew except my tiny diary that I speak to every day .

Have you watched a series named 13 Reasons Why ? Sometimes I think am that girl Hannah …well …sometimes .

“Go on child of God ,” said the priest.
” I was employed to work as a house help , the same house where I still work today . You have ever heard of these miseries that most of the people like us go through, but I would like to tell you my part ,” I started
” The family am working with is a young one , a young family of three , a wife ,husband and their two year old child . I am mostly tasked with the house duties during the day when they leave for work . I do my duties pretty well and I managed to win the trust of my employers. They would treat me as part of them , they would pay me very well since I was excellent in what I did . They had a soft spot for me . You know it’s the best feeling when you can be trusted.

Well, that was not the case .

The husband was a wicked one , forgive me for saying that ,but it’s the truth . He always leave for work much later than his wife . During that time I would serve him his breakfast and I realized that he had eyes for me . He would hold my hands or sometimes touch me seductively .

You would expect me to be harsh on him or give him a thorough slap or even report him to his wife ,sindio?

Well, it was a routine that when the wife left for work , I was in charge and he would take charge on me.

We were never caught and neither were we suspicious,since we had a strong bond as family.

I fell in love with the husband , greatly in love ,despite the fact that he was married to my employer or rather he was my employer .

Father ,I had a choice of leaving ,to go far away ,to evade trouble and breaking the family ,but I didn’t. I stayed , hiding the other part of me.

It wasn’t long when I realized that I was pregnant . I was pregnant with that man’s child . That was the hardest point I was in . It meant that I had to escape so that his wife would not find out ,but where would I go? I wanted to reveal to the man,but would be accept ? ” I paused there .

“These are the sins that I can remember,” I concluded.

“My child , it’s good that you have opened up and let go of your troubles ….” He went on to advise me on what to do.

The burden was lifted from my chest , but not the burden I have now.